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GayTies News for May 26, 2017

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  • 21 Times Gay Twitter Did Not Hold Back

    *Clutches pearls* If queer folks on Twitter know one thing, it's this: Being queer isn't easy but someone's gotta do it. Twitter: @gIumkid And we are more than happy to be here, queer, and talking about it. ... Show more

  • Bella Thorne Tells Guys Not To Eat This One Thing Before A Kissin...

    The Famous In Love star talks Zendaya, body piercings, and the hardest thing about fame. If you've missed seeing Bella Thorne on your TV screen since her Shake It Up days, then you're in luck, because ... Show more

  • Same-Sex Marriage Is Not A Western Idea, Says Lead Lawyer In Hist...

    The lead lawyer in Taiwan's historic marriage equality court decision says same-sex marriage is not the sole domain of Western nations and that the ruling is a "good start" for other Asian countries. Chi Chia... Show more

  • Taiwan's Marriage Equality Court Victory Has Left Australian Supp...

    “Australia is falling further and further behind.” Australian marriage equality supporters are buoyed by Taiwan's landmark court decision, but dismayed at their own country's political stalemate on th... Show more

  • 27 Songs That Every Lesbian Will Scream Along To (While Having A ...

    GUILTY AS CHARGED. Tegan and Sara - "Closer" This one is so obvious that I put it first just to get it over with. But yeah it's a perfect song and If you're a lesbian who disagrees then we have a probl... Show more

  • 11 Gay People Who Are Blind Describe How They Knew They Were Gay

    Wow. I knew that I was very different from the other kids, and I felt horribly lonely. I didn't fit in with the kids with sight, but what was worse, I didn't fit in with the kids who were blind, either. A... Show more

Article of the Week

Stop Saying Black People Are More Homophobic Than Others
By Ernest Owens

It’s horrible when people, especially professors, tell you how to think. It’s even worse when they try to explain why.

“I can only imagine how difficult it was for you to come out, given how the black community is known for culturally being more homophobic than everyone else,” my white professor at Penn told me after a lecture. “For some reason, they just seem to be less accepting.”

This is bullshit — but if I were him, I would have probably drunk the Kool-Aid too given how society has depicted the situation. As an openly black gay man who was born in Chicago, raised in Houston, and now living in Philly, I would like to dispel the big black elephant that tends to creep within conversations about race and acceptance in LGBTQ social circles.

No, the black community isn’t more grotesquely homophobic than every other racial group in America — culture has just selectively exploited the problem.

People love to reference homophobic rap lyrics and black comedians known for making gay-bashing jokes. They even talk about the role of the black church in disproportionately condemning homosexuality in a community that has seen more gun violence and economic disparity than other populations.

The rationale for this myth seems justifiable with the existence of “DL” (down-low) men, the persistence of HIV/AIDS, and the lack of visible out LGBTQ celebrities and public figures. However, this problem isn’t rooted in heightened doses of genetic homophobia — but society’s disproportional expectations of racial masculinity through pillars of class and privilege.

For example, growing up in a single-parent household in the South, I was bullied quite a bit. When I got my fancy Penn degree, the homophobia still existed, but the acceptance deflected some of it. My sexual orientation didn’t change, but my financial situation and education level did.

In other words, privilege — whether racial or socioeconomic — changes things. For one, when we assume that white communities across the country are all in for LGBTQ equality, we’re letting our enjoyment of Modern Family get the best of us. Let’s not forget that the late Matthew Sheppard was white, that Westboro Baptist Church comes from a predominately white community, and that it was three white Philly millennials who assaulted a gay couple in Center City.

Homophobia is alive and well in all of our racial groups equally — but the manufactured fragility of black masculinity creates the disillusion. Since the beginning of mainstream media and culture, black male bodies have been exploited and mass-produced as hyper-masculine figures of sexuality, athleticism, and aggression. We see this in horrible films such as Mandingo, in the constant gangsta roles given to black actors who can do more elevated work, and in adult entertainment when they are called “homo thugs” with “BBC” (big black cock).

Yes, I just went there. But it’s time to get real about how these stereotypes are formed. A culture that has propagated a hyper-masculine expectation for one race and not many others at the same level is how we arrived at this place in time. For example, an Asian man can dress his hair in various lengths and cuts without his sexual orientation being called into question. If I were to dye my hair tomorrow, I would be told I was being “too gay.”

Such recent examples in culture are shown in how straight black NFL star Odell Beckham, Jr., is constantly considered “suspect” for the blonde dye in his hair and his casual squad dancing with his homeboy, while straight white actor Tatum Channing can be celebrated for lip-syncing Beyoncé in cross-dress.

There are countless double standards pitting various communities of color against the mainstream bias of how they perform their sexual orientation and gender expression. Unfortunately, instead of recognizing those intersections, we’d rather just use individual communities as scapegoats to the problem rather than address it directly.

So perhaps we can now. Stop pushing this myth and start exploring the reasons why you initially thought it. Let’s start having more mature conversations about cross-cultural exchanges when it comes to LGBTQ visibility and acceptance.

No one racial community has perfected LGBTQ acceptance. For every imagined Will & Grace white social scene you think exists, there is also a bigoted network of staunch white conservatives hoping to abolish our constitutional rights to love and be employed. For every black church using its pulpit to condemn the gay men in their choir, there are black politicians like Cory Booker and President Barack Obama who push for equality for all LGBTQ citizens.

Getting into a pissing match about which community is more homophobic than the other is regressive. Getting to bottom of how we can combat stereotypes and stigmas that heighten the tension is how can better ensure a better community for us all. (5/15)

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Special Features of GayTies

All About Our Chat Rooms
Of course, ANY member can go into the chat rooms at ANY time; it's a free gay chat room service. You do not have to be a premium member to use it. All you do is go into chat by clicking on the “Chat” link in the green header. As soon as you click to enter the chat room, that link changes to a red flashing “Chatting Now.” This is so everyone will know you are in there and they can enter also, if they wish. The book icon you see at the bottom of the chat window explains the simple features about chatting.

There are three popular ways to start a chat:

1. The first is spontaneous. Whenever you see the flashing “Chatting Now,” go in there.

2. Another good way is to arrange it. If you want to chat with someone you see on line, message them to meet you in chat, either right then, or a set a pre-arranged time later. You can also message someone who is not on line, and set a pre-arranged time to meet in chat. Some members will use our personal Ads to meet guys for chat.

3. The other way is to start an international group chat. Here is how to do that.

Here are the 3 steps to start an online chat group session:

First click on “Last 100 logins” green link on the home page and scroll through the profiles to see who is currently online.

Second, type out (or copy and paste) a short invite such as: “I am creating a group chat session in 5 minutes, please click on 'Chat Rooms' and meet us there.”

Third, send this message to ALL those gay chat lovers currently “on line” who selected “Cyber / chat buddies” as one of their interests.” Usually you see about a couple dozen members who are currently on line, AND interested in chat. Use the "Send message" link under each member's photo and simply paste that message invite, and send it.

Do this sort of quickly so everyone gets the invite within a few minutes or so. In group chats, do not get selective. Message everyone you see online.

And …. that’s it. You are done. Chat with any of them, or let them chat with each other. It may be helpful for you to explain some features of chat, while you are in chat.

We suggest that before you send out your group invites, go into the chat room first and click on everything. Get a little bit familiar with the rooms, how to have private “whisper” chats, and especially click on the book icon, which contains very simple chat instructions.

It is not critical, but the rooms are for different subjects of chat. People can chat in the Lobby, or go into a subject room to be with those of similar interest. The Kinky Basement is for guys into kink talk as well as beating off, the Boner Room is for all kinds of jo scenes, and the Friendship Lounge is for guys seeking a non-sexual chat with cyber friends. And, you may see other rooms which members have created, because you can create your own room, for your own purpose.

What to chat about? Well, of course, all your erotic personal stuff. But also about gay clips on Gayties. Gay videos are a hot social network topic here, as well as kink and romance. We ask everyone to be courteous and patient as we all get to learn more about how chat works. Finally, we suggest one other thing, … be adventurous and have fun.

From the Admin...

Ask the Admin

Posted on 12/01/2016

Use "Contact Us" at the bottom of the page to ask a question.Questions as of December 1st:Question: My photo album disappeared with all the photos I uploaded. Why?Answer: It did not disappear. They were moved. Membe… Read more

How to Start Online Chats

Posted on 11/25/2015

Of course, ANY member can go into the chat rooms at ANY time; it's a free gay chat room service. You do not have to be a premium member to use it. All you do is go into chat by clicking on the “Chat” link in the gree… Read more

All About Our Very Special Gay Videos

Posted on 06/17/2015

Before I mention the gay clips themselves, let me talk about why some videos won't play for you, and how you can fix that issue so all videos play. The first thing we do when a member says they cannot play a video, w… Read more

What are Credits and How to Use Them

Posted on 04/21/2014

Credits (to send members gifts) are a great attention getter! Gayties Credits are free when you first join. You get 50 of them. After that, there is a small fee.Gifts are not real objects, they are images rangi… Read more

All About Upload Photos

Posted on 01/31/2014

Profile Photos First, understand that PROFILE photos are uploaded under the "Profile" tab, and then click on "Change Photo." Your private ALBUM photos are uploaded under the tab "Media" and… Read more

How to Write a Personal Ad

Posted on 11/21/2013

Posting Personal Dating AdsOur ad boards (sometimes called forums) are unique to in the sense that they are not all about sex. Sex is nice; and feel free to place to find gay sex or romance, but you can … Read more

How to use Date Match and Sex Match

Posted on 11/20/2013

Yes, there are two of them: “Date Match” is for nonsexual friends and causal to serious dating. But there is also “Sex Match,” which is for those NSA (no strings attached) hot sex hook-ups, either in pe… Read more